Help, please theres something wrong with me?

a few months ago i broke up with my 17 year old bf and im 14! i kept it a seceret from my family for 4 months bc im not aloud to date anyone over a year older then me and he still says he loves me i dont believe it tho and no one understads and calls me a ***** because they all like him even my "friends" dont help i hate my friends i really do, my grades have been terrible all year except this last quarter, i havent talked to him for two weeks but i dont mean to sound bitchy but i feel like he stalks me but its bad i used to always look at my phoneand hang out with friends now i lied to everyone and said my phones broken and i never use it and i never want to see my friends, i have suicdle thoughts and never have ambition like i use to, sometimes i cant breath, i have never ever told someone about my misery and i jus cant bring myself to tell someone i feel different like always unhappy like im stuck in a runt of unhappiness and im really into phscologogy i always read my moms collage book on physcolgy i think im depressed but i dont feel like i shud tell som1... i never think about my ex jus about my piontless life and ive been violent to myself and over reactiing and having angsity or sumthing and music makes me feel sick to my stomach for sum reason but i love music... i didnt relize how bad this could end til now... i feel like theres no point to live and i use to say it will get better and to just wait but i cant anymore i want it to end and im a hugh outcast at school im lucky i have friends even tho i hate them... please help please my mom never believes me when i tell her i think there something wrong so i cant tell her and i get bored wicked easily nothing interest me